


The Age Old Question

by Sairyn



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: Consensual Infidelity, Feelings, First Kiss, First Time, Goodbyes, Heavy Angst, M/M, Marvey Fic Challenges, Sex, im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-24 21:54:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13820202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sairyn/pseuds/Sairyn
Summary: Mike's getting married. Mike is leaving. But before he does, he leaves a note in Harvey's office; asking for one last request.What would you do if you were offered one chance, one night to do the one thing you never knew you always wanted?





	The Age Old Question

Harvey was in a state of panic. It was a month before Mike’s wedding and emotions he long thought buried were attacking him on every front. The room swayed, while beads of sweat erupted across his skin. It was so bad, he debated calling Dr. Akard for a session. Leaving. Mike was leaving. It’s not as if Harvey was under some illusion that the dream team could stay together forever. But having found out that far away reality was happening in a month’s time, right after the wedding? That was enough to send anyone to a therapist. 

Mike was in Harvey’s office giving both he and Donna yet another update. Then something happened. Harvey wasn't sure, but he lost focus somewhere along the way. He was only able to catch snippets. 

“Moving to California…” 

“Week after the wedding…” 

“No honeymoon…” 

“Found a perfect place…” 

Harvey couldn't say anything, didn't know what to say. All he could do was hear his own voice repeating over and over… _I thought I had more time_.

Mike’s voice brought him back. “Say something, Harvey,” Mike implored shyly.

A new tidal wave of words and thoughts crossed Harvey’s mind, but he eventually settled on the ones that were “right.” 

“Congratulations. Seriously. No matter where you go, I know that you will be successful.”  

As for those other words, the ones he had swallowed more times than he could remember; Harvey left them unsaid. Because nothing, absolutely nothing good could come from saying them now. It wasn't like he was in love with the man. Loved him? No doubt. Wanted him? Harvey’s brain tripped over that question before landing solidly on ‘yes’. Over the years, Harvey with Mike at his side had crossed almost every line imaginable; all except that one. They’d come close on more than one occasion, but the thought of ruining their partnership among other regrets was enough for one or both of them to take a step back and return them both to status quo. And now they would never know. 

Mike encircled Harvey in a quick hug. Upon being released, he gazed up at Harvey and smiled silently. Somehow Harvey had the feeling Mike was thinking the same thing. 

“Thanks, Harvey. For everything.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just glad Jessica isn't here. She’d make me go out and try and find another associate. And how am I going to find another genius law school dropout to drop weed at my feet?” 

They shared a quick chuckle before Harvey continued.  “Have you lined up a job yet? I could make some calls.” 

“Nah, I’m good, Harvey. I’ve already reached out to some firms. Besides, all I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine,” Mike quoted perfectly. 

“Alright, Spicoli. Get back to work. Lots to do before the big day.” 

“Yep,” he answered popping the ‘p’. 

“Yeah,” Harvey said aloud. There were so many things he would miss about Mike. 

Since then, Mike had cleaned up his case files, packed up his life and married the woman he loved. Harvey knew this because he witnessed it all. He did all his best man duties with flourish- making sure Mike got the biggest bachelor party he could imagine. Then stood next to the man and smiled while nursing the biggest hangover he could remember. He even managed to make one hell of a toast to the new couple. He felt nothing but pride watching Mike take this last step. Lord knows the kid deserved more than a slice of heaven after the last year.  

Three days later, Harvey found a note in his office; an invitation of sorts. He frowned upon reading the words. It wasn’t the first time Mike had asked for Harvey to meet him at some bar to grab a drink, but he usually didn't do so via note. Harvey hadn’t seen Mike since the wedding, not that he had expected to. What he **_did_** expect was to attend the goodbye dinner planned for the night before they flew out, say a few words, then head home to drink himself blind. Apparently, it seemed, Mike had other ideas. Harvey tried calling, but it went straight to voicemail. With a heavy sigh Harvey grabbed his jacket and did what he always did when Mike called; he went.

When Harvey walked into the Warwick Hotel, he headed straight to the bar. Mike was perched on one of the chairs, dressed comfortably in smart black pants and a sweater, sipping a long neck. 

“Shouldn't you be locked in your bedroom with your new bride?” he inquired, grabbing the chair next to him. 

Mike looked up. “Harvey. I’m glad you came.” 

“Why wouldn't I?” he answered, signaling the bartender. 

Mike looked away briefly. “I don't know. Maybe I thought you wouldn't want to...” 

Harvey watched Mike’s fingers fidget with the bottle of his beer. Clearly, something was on his mind. Harvey leaned in a bit closer, concern creeping up his spine. 

“Mike? Hey. Talk to me. Did something happen? You and Rachel…” 

Mike’s head whipped up quickly. “No, nothing like that. Well, I mean not how you are thinking. 

“Then what is it?”

“Let’s grab a booth.”

Now Harvey was really worried. He quickly ordered a beer and followed Mike to a corner booth. Mike slid in and went silent. He played some more with his beer and looked everywhere except at Harvey. Harvey felt his hackles go up, ready to fight whatever trouble Mike had found himself in.

“Mike, you're scaring me. Whatever it is, we can handle it. Just tell me.”

Mike lifted the bottle and took a heavy swallow. “Okay,” he mumbled. He caught Harvey’s gaze; his blue eyes were so dark they sparkled like stars in the night sky. 

“Okay,” he said again, this time a bit louder.

Harvey straightened.

“I asked you here tonight because I couldn’t leave without knowing.”

“Without knowing what?”

“Without knowing what I was leaving behind.”

Harvey turned the words over in his head, trying to figure out what was missing from the statement.

“Okay Mike, I’ll bite. What are you leaving behind?”

“You,” he breathed.

“What? I hope you don't expect me to pack up and move to California with you and Rachel because that’s just not going to happen,” he joked.

“That’s not what I am suggesting...although…,” he tapered off, his goofy smile breaking the tension.

“Well, now that we have got that straightened out,” Harvey deadpanned.

“What about me?”

“Harvey. Promise me you’ll hear me out, okay?”

Harvey nodded.

“I think you and I both know there have been times. Moments where it felt like there was something between us. Something more than friends. I mean not all the time, but sometimes it just felt… feels different.”

The world tilted briefly. Harvey took a slow breath righting his brain. This was dangerous territory; forbidden territory and Harvey wasn’t sure he wanted to go any further.

“Of course, I mean after all we've been through it's not surprising...”

“Stop Harvey. Just stop. Don't deflect. Not with me. You can't sit there and tell me you have no idea what I am talking about. That you haven't felt the same pull. I know you have. I have seen it in your eyes, felt it in the way you have touched me. How many nights did I wonder what it would be like if we were to cross that line? I thought it would go away, but it didn't. And I know this is selfish and all kinds of wrong, but I couldn't walk away, without at least trying. I want this Harvey. But if you don't, say the word and we will never talk about this ever again.”

Harvey finished his beer, buying himself time to work his way around Mike’s confession. He knew what Mike was talking about. And of course, he felt it, too. He could admit that he had thought about it, more than once even. But that didn't make it right. Mike was a married man. What he was suggesting was wrong. It had to be. “So, you left Rachel sitting at home to come out and proposition me? And for what? Some cheap one-night stand? You could have picked up anyone for that. And honestly, you should've done that before you got married.”

The accusation roiled through Mike. Harvey could see it in the way he sat up straighter, leaned in a little closer. Mike's voice was tight and controlled.

“First off, I would never, could never just have picked up a random stranger. I just wouldn't. This has nothing to do with having some last fling. And everything with the man I am sitting across from. I have wanted you from the moment I met you. But acting on those feelings was too risky. I couldn't bear losing what we had. I put them aside and moved on. As for Rachel. She knows where I am; she knows what I am doing. She sent me here- with her blessing.”

Mike’s fingers brushed up against Harvey’s hand. Soft and warm, like a whisper or a promise. Harvey inched back, creating space between them.

Mike’s shoulders slumped. “Say something, Harvey.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Yes. No. Something, anything.”

“You want me to say something? I’ll say something. Go home to your wife. You’re leaving me, remember?” He didn't care that he lashed out in anger, or even that the words reflected the truth he hadn’t yet come to terms with. Mike **_was_** leaving. Not just his job, or New York but also him, and Harvey didn't want to think about how much that truth hurt.

Harvey stood to leave when Mike’s grip stopped him. “Fine. I’ll go.” Mike got up as well, his grip on Harvey’s arm unchanged. “But not before I say one more thing. I may be leaving New York, but I am not leaving you. I could never leave you. Yes, I love my wife, but believe it or not, I also love you. I do. And I know that this is fucked up…”

“Damn right it is,” Harvey muttered, gritting his teeth.

“But for one night, I want to know what it feels like to love and be loved by you. And deep down inside, I think you want that, too.”

Mike dropped a room key on the table and exited the booth.

All the air left Harvey’s lungs in one large exhale. The room vanished; his focus disappearing until the only thing Harvey could see was the plastic keycard in front of him. Harvey didn't want to think about it; didn't want to hear and re-hear Mike’s words. Because if he did, he would have to concede Mike was right. He did want to know what it would be like to be with Mike in every way possible. But that didn't make it right, despite the telltale twitch in his pants. Harvey was mad. Mad at Mike for having the gall to set this all up; to offer himself up, like some prize to be won. But more importantly, he was mad at himself, for wanting to say yes.

Harvey slumped back into the booth. He didn't know how long he sat there, nursing his long-empty bottle, staring at the key that mocked him, tempted him. He didn't want to touch it; afraid if he did he wouldn't be able to stop himself from using it. He had a choice to make. One night. With Mike. Could he do it? And if he did, could he walk away? Harvey got up, intent on walking out of the bar and never thinking about his conversation with Mike again. He was going to leave the key on the table and just walk away. That would be the smart thing. But as he had proven over the years, he never could do the right thing when it came to Mike. With a muttered curse, he dropped some cash on the table and grabbed the key.

Harvey would like to say he strode confidently from the elevator to the indicated room- top floor none the less, sure in his decision. That though would be a lie. Truth was, that with every step, his self-doubt - mixed with a hint of self-loathing  - made his legs a little wobbly. He didn't like cheaters; he didn't cheat. But was it cheating if the spouse knew? _Semantics,_ his brain supplied. And what about the fact he was getting ready to have sex with a man; something Harvey had not done since college. He knew Mike was bi (yet another reason to hate Trevor), but he didn't classify himself to be anything other than a straight guy who experimented. Once. This though was not some drunken fumble; it would be a conscious, deliberate choice. He quickly debated leaving, having reached the door, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he wanted this; wanted Mike too much. That was the secret he never wanted to admit to anyone; especially himself.

The key felt heavy in his grip. Moisture from his palm had made it slippery. It took a couple of tries before he was able to raise his hand to the handle. If Harvey did this, there would be no turning back. He paused; took a moment to examine if he could really go through with it. Not that it mattered. Harvey had known the minute he’d picked that damn key up off the table, the die was cast. It was too late to turn back now. Harvey was an all or nothing guy. And right now, he wanted all of what was on the other side of the door. He slid the plastic square into the slot and watched the light turn green, granting him entry. With a deep breath, Harvey reached for the handle, turned the knob and walked inside.

Mike was standing by the window, a glass in his hand, his sleeves rolled up, looking out at the night sky.

“I didn't think you would come,” he said, not moving.

“Neither did I,” Harvey answered, his voice devoid of emotion.

“So why did you? Are you here to lecture me some more about morals and values.”

“No.”

Mike turned then to look at Harvey. His eyes were hard, looking for any lie. Harvey stood his ground, unwilling to look anywhere but the man in front of him.

“Then why are you here?”

Harvey stepped further into the room, stopping a few feet from Mike who had not moved again.

“Honestly, I don't know.”

“Then maybe you shouldn't be here.”

Harvey sharply inhaled, his gut twisting. Mike was giving him a way out if he wanted it. It should have been a relief, but for some reason, it just felt… wrong. More wrong than anything else.

“I thought I was invited,” he joked awkwardly.

“That doesn't mean anything.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” he replied, looking down at his shoes.

“Not good enough, Harvey. If you are not completely sure about this...” Mike’s voice was soft, mournful even. “I can't… I won’t… No matter how much I want to… You have to be…”

“I’m sure.” The words slipped out quickly, without thought. For a second, Harvey panicked, thought he should take them back, but just as quickly that thought passed. Because no matter how fucked up the situation was surrounding them, giving up on this was not an option.

Harvey looked up and met Mike’s eyes. “I’m sure,” he repeated.

Mike placed his glass on a nearby table, his eyes never leaving Harvey’s. He took a step towards Harvey. Then another. Then another. He didn't stop until he was stood inches away. Sweat bloomed on Harvey’s brow, his heart beating rapidly.

“Harvey,” Mike’s voice was soft; his breath warm as it ghosted across his face.

Harvey was lost in the blue eyes looking at him with so much emotion, he felt surrounded.

“Mike, I'm…”

Harvey didn't get to finish his sentence as Mike’s lips brushed against his own. It was a taste, a brief tease, a promise; and before Harvey could get used to the idea that Mike was kissing him, it was over. And that was not acceptable. Harvey chased those lips like they held the answer to every question he ever had. Soft fingers on his chin stopped his progress and lifted his face until he could gaze into Mike’s eyes.

“I want this, Harvey. I want you.” Mike’s voice was soft, reverent even. His lips grazed Harvey’s once again, all the while his fingers kept his face still.

“No regrets,” he whispered.

Harvey’s arms reached around, circling Mike’s waist. “No regrets,” he answered, closing his eyes and leaning back in.

Harvey sighed against Mike’s lips, felt Mike’s tongue tentatively brush against his lower lip asking for permission which Harvey granted. The groan that rumbled from Mike’s throat made Harvey shudder. The kiss further deepened; it was hard and filthy and perfect. Mike walked Harvey to the wall, never once breaking their kiss. Once there, Harvey felt Mike’s hardness up against his own. It should have given him pause; should have made him question if this was still right. Mike was a man after all. Instead, it ignited something within Harvey; something he had no name for. All thoughts vanished when Mike grinded against him. Harvey’s body responded in kind, demanding glorious friction, while his hands snaked beneath Mike’s sweater, searching for skin. Mike hissed. Within moments, the grasps and groans, the clutch of fingers and ragged breaths were too much and not enough.

“Mike…,” he whispered.

Those hauntingly beautiful blue eyes peered up once again and met his own.

“Please.”

Mike grabbed Harvey’s hand, lifted it up to his lips and kissed the palm gently.

“Yes?”

“Yes,” Harvey answered.

Mike slid Harvey’s jacket off his shoulders, placing it carefully on the nearby chair. The slow slide of silk being loosened from around his neck hissed in the quiet room. It wasn’t until deft fingers began undoing his shirt buttons, did Harvey remember he could be helping. He reached for the hem of Mike’s sweater, breaking apart so it could be lifted up and over Mike’s head. Mike’s lips found his briefly, before they moved off to his cheek, his chin, then to the exposed skin at Harvey’s collarbone.

“Ohh,” Harvey groaned, turning his head giving Mike more access. Harvey’s nimble fingers traipsed their way to Mike’s peak nipples and squeezed as Mike’s teeth marked Harvey’s skin. _It wasn't enough._ The thought blazed through Harvey’s hazy brain. With effort, he pushed away from the wall, intent on getting the man in his arms horizontal and naked.

“Bed,” he whispered hotly. “Now.”

Mike groaned a noise that sounded a little like yes.

Their movement proved to be a delicate dance of kissing while articles of clothing hit the floor. Mike turned Harvey, lead him to the next room, not stopping until the back of Harvey’s knees hit the bed. With a slight push, Harvey sat. Mike smirked then dropped to his knees; his hands moving to Harvey’s thighs.

“All the times I wanted to do this,” he murmured. “I would fantasize about you sitting in your chair at your desk; me kneeling beneath it, in between your legs.” He kissed Harvey’s knees, then the outside of both thighs. When he started to work his way inside and up, Harvey grabbed the sheets. Mike nosed at Harvey’s pubic hair, inhaling deeply. Watching Mike on his knees in front of him, became the single most erotic thing Harvey had ever witnessed.

“Fuck, Mike,” Harvey.

“Yes,” he answered, licking a long stripe from base to tip. “I think I would like that.”

Mike looked up from beneath his lashes and swallowed Harvey down deep. Harvey couldn't stop the pornographic moan from falling from his lips at the feel of Mikes mouth, all warm and wet and perfect. When he did it again, Harvey’s hips came up just a bit and Mike placed one hand on his thigh while the other circled Harvey’s base.

“Oh, Mike. Shit. Fuck. Your mouth,” he panted.

Mike smiled and bobbed his head.

Harvey was close, embarrassingly close. He knew if he didn't stop Mike right now, it would be over quickly.

“Come here,” he growled, pulling Mike off into a filthy kiss. They fell together onto the bed with Mike sliding between Harvey’s legs. Harvey reached out to grab both their cocks, using Mike’s spit as lubricant.

“Fuck, Harvey.” Mike ground down against Harvey, rotating his hips. “You feel so good,” he breathed.

“What do you want, Mike? I could…”

"I want you to fuck me,” Mike stopped moving, staring intently at Harvey. “Please fuck me.”

“God, Mike.” He reached up and wrapped his hands around Mike’s neck, pulling him in for a bruising kiss that quickly became heated. When they broke for air, Mike leaned over and grabbed his overnight bag that was sitting near the bed.

Harvey raised an eyebrow when he returned from his fidgeting with an unopened bottle of lube.

“What?” he said sheepishly. “You were the one who taught me to be prepared for any outcome.”

“I don't remember that including having bottles of lube on you at all times.”

“Well, I improvised,” he smiled.

Harvey reached out and stroked Mike’s face, caught up in the gravity of what they were considering.

“Second thoughts?” Mike asked softly.

Harvey pulled Mike back into his arms. “No. None.” The kiss they shared was soft, deep and felt far more intimate than anything they had done. Harvey moved so he was now above Mike and opened the bottle.

“Promise me,” he said, “You will tell me if anything is uncomfortable. I don't want to hurt you.”

“I promise,” Mike answered. He grabbed a nearby pillow and shoved it beneath his hips, giving Harvey better access.

The first breach of Harvey’s finger was met with a sigh from both men. By the time Harvey had worked three fingers deep in Mike’s heat, Harvey was harder than he could ever remember. It didn't help that Mike looked positively debauched, writhing and sweating beneath him. How could he have ever thought that fucking Mike was a bad thing, he thought idly. Mike’s moans interrupted his thoughts

“I’m ready, Harvey, please, just fuck me.”

“You should see yourself, Mike. You're gorgeous. Begging for my cock.”

“Yes. I want it. I need it, Harvey. Please…”

Harvey crooked his fingers, having heard about prostate stimulation though never once had an opportunity to test the theory until now. He believed he found it when Mike jumped.

“Fuck! Yes, there!” he yelled. “I swear Harvey if you don't fuck me now, I’m not going to last.”

Harvey removed his fingers and added lube to his cock which had been impatiently waiting for his turn.

“How do you want me, Specter,” Mike purred.

“I would prefer that you stay just like that. I …” Harvey faltered briefly. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I want to be able to watch you.”

Mike smiled. “I would like that, too.” Mike let his knees fall open in invitation and Harvey lined himself up.

“I promise, I will go slow.”

Mike’s face pinched slightly when Harvey pushed passed the outer ring of muscle. Harvey stopped and searched Mikes' face.

“It’s okay, keep going. It's just… been a while.”

You sure?” he asked carefully.

Mike, Harvey knew, didn’t always make the best decisions when it came to his own health or safety. Not that Harvey didn't want to believe him, because all Harvey could think of was ramming all the way home. Instead, he blew out a breath.

“You sure?”

“Very,” he answered.

Harvey pushed in a bit more, stopping regularly until he was completely sheathed, then waited, kissing Mike gently.

Mike tilted his hips and moaned gently. “You do that again and I won't be able to stop,” Harvey panted.

“Then don’t,” Mike answered, pulling Harvey’s face down for another kiss.

Harvey rolled his hips slowly. Mike felt so tight, so hot. His body shook with the effort to move slow; stay in control. Mike wrapped his legs around Harvey’s back and pulled him down not too gently.

“Fuck me like you mean it, Harvey” he whispered hotly.

“Oh, thank God,” Harvey whispered. He pulled almost all the way out, then thrust in balls deep. Mike moaned again, and Harvey was lost. Slow deep thrusts morphed with cries of deeper, harder. Mike had him in a death grip, both breathing hard.

“Harvey…”

“Yes.”

Harvey shifted; lifted Mike’s legs higher allowing him to go that much deeper. The response was immediate. 

“Yes Harvey, there, God. Fuck me… just like that,” Mike cried bracing himself against the headboard with his hand.

“Just like that? Is this what you need, Mike. My cock, taking you, ungh,” he groaned when Mike clenched his ass. “Oh, fuck, you feel so good. I want to feel you come, Mike. Tell me how… show me how you like it.”

“Oh God, Harvey, I’m so close. Touch me. Please,” he begged.

Harvey freed up one of his hands grasped Mike’s cock which was slick with a mix of precum and leftover lube. Harvey was too far gone to have a freak out about touching another cock. He was way beyond that. All he could think of was making Mike fall apart beneath him, preferably before his own orgasm overtook him. Mike’s cock was long and thin like the rest of him. He stroked firmly, twisting his thumb across the crown on the upstroke- his own preferred method.

“Oh God,” Mike spewed, canting his hips. “Yes, just like that, just like… Haarrrvey,” he cried, his orgasm taking over.

Harvey worked him through it, gritting his teeth while Mike’s ass clenched and unclenched around him. Mike shuddered through aftershocks while Harvey continued to pound deeply into him, chasing his own orgasm. And when it hit, when his vision completely whited out, all Harvey could do was pull Mike up to him and bury his scream into his neck.

“Oh shit,” Harvey heaved. “That was, that was…,”

“Yeah,” Mike smiled. That was fucking fantastic,” he slurred.

Harvey chuckled, then remembered he was still buried deep inside Mike.

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“I’m not, Mike replied softly.

“Neither am I,” he whispered, answering the question beneath Mike’s statement.

Harvey leaned down and captured Mike’s lips which parted to allow further exploration. Their tongues languid and slow swirled against each other. Harvey gently extricated himself from Mike’s perfect ass and wobbled to the nearby bathroom. After a quick clean up, he came back with a towel for Mike and sat nervously on the bed.

“Thanks.”

Mike pulled back the covers and climbed into the large bed, making space for Harvey.

“Getting in?”

“I wasn’t sure. I mean...”

“I never thought I would see the day the great Harvey Specter was tongue-tied,” he chuckled lightly.

“Am not.”

“Are, too.”

The banter felt normal, and it helped to ease the question of what was supposed to happen next.

“There’s room in this bed for two,” Mike said cheekily. 

“Then scoot over,” Harvey smiled climbing in. 

Mike settled into Harvey’s arms. They kissed softly, slowly; no longer rushed. Their touches were tender, gentle. When they broke apart, Mike’s brow was furrowed, his lower lip caught in his teeth. 

“What is it, Mike? 

“I love you. I mean, I know I told you earlier, but I need you to hear me say it again, feel me say in your arms. I have no doubts, no regrets.” 

“Mike…I,” 

“I don't expect you to say that back,” he interjected. I just wanted to tell you, so you know without a doubt how I feel, and that this isn't, will never be wrong to me.” 

Harvey reached down to grasp at Mike’s face. He kissed him hard, he kissed him deep, and he kissed him with all the emotions he couldn't recognize, let alone say. Harvey agreed. Nothing about having Mike in his arms felt wrong. 

“Hear me say this. I don't know what I feel, but I do know that you are the most important person I have in my life. And I have no regrets about anything we have done. Or anything we still might do,” he threw in with a smile. 

Mike smiled in return. “Would you like to order dinner in?” 

“No,” Harvey answered climbing over Mike’s body. “I think I would rather stick to dessert. 

“I think I can handle that,” Mike spoke against Harvey’s lips. 

When morning came, Harvey was sore in ways he never knew he could be. He had sampled everything and by the twinge, he felt as he sat up reminded him, that did mean _everything_ on the menu. Harvey knew before he opened his eyes that Mike was gone. He had felt the bed shift and the taste of minty fresh lips against his just after sunrise. Harvey stayed in bed, feigned sleep to avoid doing the whole big “goodbye” thing. Plus, he wasn't sure he could have gotten through it had he tried. Something happened in the hours he spent with Mike. Something wonderful and awful and just downright frightening happened as he laid within his arms. The worst part was there was nothing he could do about it; about any of it. Not that he was sure what he would do. 

He found the note in his jacket pocket. He recognized Mikes hurried scrawl easily.

 

 _Harvey,_

_I stand by everything I said last night. I have zero regrets. I hope, neither do you. I know how you feel about cheating. Just like I know you may wake up one day and consider what happened last night indeed that. But I am here to tell you it was anything but. I got to spend the night in the arms of someone I love, I will always love. I will carry the taste of you, the feel of you, the feel of us together, forever. I am walking out of here with a smile on my face and the memory of our night. I hope you do, too._

_Thank you for spending this night with me, for giving us this._

_Mike._

_P.s. I know you weren't sleeping._

 

~~~ 

The next time Harvey saw Mike was at the group dinner. Harvey thought about not going, but after a pep talk disguised as a threat from Donna, he decided to make an appearance. Harvey was seated across from the happy couple. They looked like typical newlyweds. Rachel was glowing, and Mike looked at her like she hung the very stars. They held hands beneath the table, sat close to each other and spoke about the new life they were ready to build together with joy. Harvey never once thought that one night would Mike would change anything, but then again. 

At that moment, Mike glanced at Harvey. As if he could tell his name had crossed Harvey’s thoughts. He smiled at him, one that reached his eyes. Harvey found himself smiling in return. This was right, he told himself. Mike deserved to be happy, and if that meant one night with him and the rest of his life with Rachel, then Harvey would make peace with that. 

When the party moved to the bar after dinner, Harvey attempted to make his escape. He had had enough. All he wanted was to get home and drown his thoughts in every bottle he had back at home. He was halfway to the coat rack when he heard her.

“Harvey?” 

He turned to see Rachel walking slowly towards him. 

Her face gave away nothing, which made him worry that much more. Did she know what happened between Mike and him? And if she did, was she really okay with it? He braced for either option. 

“I wanted to catch you before you snuck out.” 

“Mrs. Ross,” he drawled easily. “What can I do for you?” 

“You know, if it wasn't for you, I don't think Mike or I would be here.” 

“I'm absolutely sure, you two would have done just fine without me.”

“He’s going to miss you. We both are.” 

“I’ll miss you both too, he admitted sadly.

She pulled him into a tight hug. 

“Thank you, Harvey, for everything you did,” she whispered. 

“I did what any mentor would do.”  _That and fuck your husband_ , he thought. 

She smiled, and for a moment Harvey wondered if perhaps he had said that last part out loud. 

“That’s not what I meant.” 

Harvey pulled back and frowned. 

Rachel sighed loudly. “I meant thank you for saying yes.” 

The ground shifted beneath Harvey’s feet. 

“Rachel, I…,” he started nervously. 

“I know how hard it was for you. It _is_ for you to let go. Especially, now.” 

“It wasn’t that hard,” he joked. “I knew eventually he would go off on his own.” 

Rachel cocked her head, doing a pretty good impression of Donna. “That’s not what I am talking about and you know it.” 

“Rachel,” he sighed, pinching his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “Mike was never mine to give up.” 

“Oh Harvey,” she soothed, placing a hand on his cheek. “He was always yours. You just didn't want to see it.” 

She paused staring at him; dissecting him. “But you do now. I can tell. I can see it in your eyes.” 

Harvey flinched. 

“Which makes what you did - allowing him, allowing both of you that night - that much more special. And walking away that much harder,” she finished. 

Harvey pinched his lips together, her words bothering him more than he would like to acknowledge. 

She leaned up and kissed him on his cheek. 

“He loves you, you know,” Harvey said at last. 

“I know,” she answered. “I love him, too. But he also loves you, Harvey. I doubt that will ever change.” 

Harvey swallowed the golf ball sized lump lodged in his throat. “Take care of him. Take care of each other. Have an amazing life.” 

“You, too, Harvey. And remember, you will always a place in our lives.” 

He nodded, not trusting his voice. Rachel walked back to the rest of the party and Harvey grabbed his coat. The room felt too small, the crowd too noisy, and the heat was stifling. Harvey rushed out the door and into the night air. He took in a large gulp of air, calmed by the sounds flowing around him. He was so lost in the noise, he almost didn't hear his name being called. 

“Harvey!” He looked up at the first touch of a hand grabbing him from behind. 

“Not going to say goodbye?” Mike’s voice was light, but Harvey could hear the nervous edge in it. 

“Got work to do. You know how it is, Mike.” 

“Yeah, I know. I know you hate goodbyes and will do anything to avoid them.” 

He smirked, conceding the point. “Look, Mike,” Harvey started, trying to fill the awkward silence that fell between them. “Even though I don't do goodbyes as you put it. I can honestly say, I am so fucking proud of you.” 

He extended his hand. “Go out there and do good. Be the man you always dreamed of being.” 

Mike stared at it then rushed into Harvey’s frame, encompassing him in a hug. Memories of their night flooded Harvey’s system. He moved and pulled him in closer, trying to soak up as much of Mike as he could. 

“I won’t say goodbye,” Harvey murmured into Mike’s hair. 

“I know. Neither will I.” Mike pulled back enough so he could look into Harvey’s eyes. He leaned in and brushed his lips against Harvey’s own. “I love you, Harvey.” 

“I know,” he chuckled. 

They both smiled at the infamous quote. Harvey quickly pecked Mike’s lips and backed away. Mike took a deep breath and turned back towards the restaurant. 

“Hey Rookie,” Harvey called out. “I love you, too.” Mike turned, his eyes going wide. 

“I knew it!” he shouted, his goofy smile lighting up his face. 

Harvey never could resist that smile. “Go on, get out of here. Your wife is probably looking for you by now.”

With a quick nod, Mike walked back through the door and out of Harvey's life. 

Harvey wasn't sure if he was supposed to be happy or sad about his time with Mike. Truth was, it didn't really matter. He turned up his collar on his coat and waved down a cab. Inside, an old Jackson Brown song was playing- Tender is the Night. Harvey found himself tuning in, the lyrics coming out of nowhere to greet him. 

 _Between a life that we expected and the way it's always been..._

That about summed it up. Harvey was a man caught between two worlds. He never once imagined he would end up here- realizing he had fallen in love with Mike just in time to watch him walk away. Harvey learned a long time ago that the world could be cruel, but this, this was torture. So, was it better to have loved and lost- or never to have loved at all? Hell, if he knew.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I am sorry. I couldn't let it go. I tried for an epilogue, something, anything to bring about a happy ending. But this time I couldn't do it. Let's hope that now that I have gotten this out of my system, I can go back to happier times..and endings.  
> Sai~
> 
> Special thanks to writing2reachyou for suffering through my mess with me
> 
> Catch me @ [sairyn-noc](https://sairyn-noc.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr


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